Oh Dave! Now

Okay, kids, it’s time for another flash of Dave’s mental trench coat.

As I go about my day minding my own business, certain memories flash into consciousness, and not always for an apparent reason. Just out of the blue. I acknowledge the memory and then carry on with my day. Most of these I’ve never told to anyone; there was no reason to. They’re just little “moments of being” to quote Virginia Woolf.

Following are my most frequent Mind Flashes. These are my personal memories—we all have them—and as I’m about to go public with them, it reminds me of another memory: a former boss warning me to keep certain project developments and financial information close to my chest, i.e., don’t share it with other staff members, it was just between him and me.  I worry that by sharing these Flashes, and not keeping them close to my chest, I’ll lose them, they’ll no longer flash into mind. Some of them I wish would stop, and now, maybe they will.

They’re not profound or million-dollar ideas but they are a part of my private mind and soul, some told to me in confidence, never shared, never forgotten. They’re not made up for the sake of “Oh Dave Now.” These are real memories. I have many more memories but these are the ones that pop up uncontrollably.

You are welcome to add yours. Try to keep them short. Put the approximate year in parentheses at the end of each Mind Flash.

I’ve categorized mine by theories as to why my mind won’t let them rest.

A Sweet and Happy Place

My dad picks me and my siblings up from Sunday school on a winter day. He tells us our mom went to the hospital to have a baby (my brother Paul). We get home and I lie on my stomach on the floor in the front porch in the sun, happily drawing in a coloring book. The styrofoam insulation on the porch walls is toasty warm to the touch. (1961)

I’m sitting on the front porch during a thunder storm with my best friend in high school, long before I’ve come out. He’s been talking for several minutes about conflicts he and his new girlfriend are having. I listen calmly and patiently and give him support, advising him not to give up, to try and work it out. Then he says, “Sometimes I don’t know who I love more, you or her.” (1975)

A group of 7 or 8 high school friends are spending the weekend at my straight friend Dan’s cabin in Wisconsin. There has been lots of drinking, playing softball, swimming in the lake, going out to roadhouses to meet girls. Late one afternoon we’re hanging out in the cabin. Dan and I are sitting on the sofa talking while several of the other guys are getting rowdy in the kitchen. His cute cousin Dick is fast asleep, curled up in an easy chair across from us. Dan says, “Sleeping beauty.”  I agree. (1976)

Freak Me Out!

My family is on a month-long car camping trip in Wyoming. We’re nearing the end of a long driving day and my mom is driving and we’re not sure where the turnoff is for a remote mountain campground. We have a Chrysler station wagon and in the back have made a small space next to the cooler and camping equipment that is big enough for one of us to lie down. I am about seven years old and am sitting up looking out the back of the car. My dad is yelling at my mom to turn left and there is general commotion. She stops in the lane of the road to make sure she can safely turn left. I look up and a large pickup truck has just come around a curve behind us and is barreling towards our car. A man is driving, a woman is in the passenger seat. Instinctively, I raise my arms and wave both hands, signaling them to the right of us. The driver obeys and pulls quickly to the right shoulder and ditch of the road and roars past us, just missing me, gravel flying. My dad yells at my mom to never come to a complete stop on a winding mountain road. (1964)

I’m sitting in math class in 8^th grade, in the front row in the chair next to the window. Our pastor’s son, who I’m friends with, sits in the chair to my right. While the teacher is lecturing and writing on the blackboard, my friend nudges me and mouths, “Look.”  His legs are stretched out and he points to his crotch and presses down with his fingers on the firm erection in his pants. (1972)

I’m on a steep winding road in Positano, Italy at dusk, leaning and looking over a cement wall. Below across a short gully is a small gym with its lights on. In a floor-to-ceiling window several young men are undressing in the locker room, some naked, some in jock straps. Two young women come walking up the road and noticing my intent gaze, look in the same direction. I look up at them and smile and the three of us break into laughter as they pass and I go on my way. (1981)

Too Much Information Leads to Mind Worms

A high school buddy tells me that when he moved out of his parents’ house into his own apartment, his dad’s embarrassing parting words were “Remember to clean your butt well when you shower.” He said he replied, “Dad, please, I know that, I’m 18 years old.” (1976)

Whenever the timer goes off on the microwave oven, I think of what Alex Trebek said on Jeopardy once after a contestant correctly answered “microwave oven” to a clue: “Don’t forget the all important stand time.” (2000)

Excuse me? Did you really just say that?

I attended the University of Minnesota–Twin Cities in the late 1970s. I had English classes on the Main Campus and Theatre classes on the West Bank. One cold sunny winter day, all bundled up, I was about to cross the Washington Avenue Bridge West to go to an acting class. The upper deck is for bicycles and pedestrians only–it’s over 1,000 feet long and four car lanes wide. It’s a long trek. As I started onto the bridge, two young men coming towards me were smiling. Just after they passed me, one said to the other, “He’s cute but his legs are so skinny.”  (1978)

My former partner Michael and I walk up a steep narrow stairway to the San Francisco apartment of one of his acquaintances, where a party is well underway. My hair is shoulder length and he has a head full of black ringlets. A female stranger at the top of the stairs announces in a loud voice, “The hippie fags are here.”  (1988)

At a potluck I serve my dad’s trademark appetizer of dill pickles smeared with cream cheese and wrapped in Hormel dried beef, sliced into rounds. A man remarks, “Yum. Prosciutto?”  I smile and lie “yes.” (2004)

My Ego Reminding Me of My Acute but Low-brow Wit and Comic Timing

I have just showered and dressed after high school gym class. I’m walking past a row of occupied toilet stalls. A friend of my older brother walking past me says, “Pugh. Was that you?”  I shake my head and say, “I don’t do that kind of shit.” He laughs. (1974)

My friend Tusa is visiting Michael and me for the weekend. It’s late, we’re tired and getting ready for bed on the 2^nd floor of our cottage apartment. Michael’s already in bed in the master bedroom, and she is reading in bed in the guestroom across the hall from the bathroom where I’m brushing my teeth and peeing. I hear Michael fart loudly. Without missing a beat I call out “Just a minute, I’ll be right there.” We all crack up laughing and Tusa says, “Like he was calling for you.” (1992)

Eric and I are sitting at a round table visiting with Eric’s mother and sister. We’re discussing whether President Clinton should be impeached for having sex with Monica Lewinsky and perhaps several other mistresses in between his presidential meetings. I blurt out innocently, “Whatever it takes to get the job done.” The others burst into laughter, thinking I was referring to a “job” other than presidential duties.  (1998)

Spontaneity is Glorious to Behold

I’m walking around Rome on a chilly November night from piazza to piazza. Two men are walking/strutting towards me. The one on my left uses his right hand to throw the end of his long scarf up over his left shoulder. The end flies up and hits his friend gently across his startled face. All three of us break into laughter. (1981)

I’m standing at a stoplight at the busy corner of 14^th and Broadway in downtown Oakland. A skinny, hunched over old black man in tattered clothing walks up along side of me, the nub of a cigarette in his mouth. He spots a cigarette butt about an inch and a half long in the gutter. He leaps for it and lights it with the nub just as the stoplight turns green. As he starts to cross the street smoking the new butt he says joyously, “Thank you, Jesus, this is my lucky day! Oh, yes, life is good!” He skips across the street. (2009)